My Word!

Today's reading: Varney the Vampire. This is a classic of gothic horror, published as a serial in a penny dreadful in the 1840s.

First of all, I have to say that I love that reading antique pulp fiction gets to sort of count as work for me now.

Second, I love that the author uses the present tense so aggressively. That the entire first chapter was in the simple perfect is understandable if awkward (got to create immediacy and all), as in:
"The girl has swooned, and the vampyre is at his hideous repast!"

But it's when we move to chapter 2., which is regular narrative and mostly in the past, that things get ridiculous.

""It opens—it opens," cried the young man."

Who says that? When you're actually in the process of breaking a door down to save a young girl from being drained by a bloodsucking fiend, you totally use the present progressive.
Here's another:

"I must, I will. Let who will come with me—I follow that dreadful form."

Love it.